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Though some of the guys are wicked strong, few have formal training. You get your opponent to tap out by exhausting them with a painful or inescapable hold. Any compassionate competitor in a friendly match will do their best not to hurt you. The gay wrestling group I joined meets once a month at a local gym that also hosts kickboxing and Jiu-Jitsu classes. If someone wins too quickly, the loser can instantaneously ask for a rematch or two, even handicapping the stronger wrestler by choosing their starting position, applying a starting hold or asking them not to use certain limbs or holds. But wrestling matches almost always end with a clear winner and loser.

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Others scrap and toss each other around like young jocks with something to prove.

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Your bravery and participation make other people brave, and together we all grow stronger and more interesting. When you deny yourself your desires, you run the risk of stunting your own growth. Only three matches are allowed to happen at a time to avoid overcrowding or slamming into each other. Though some of the guys are wicked strong, few have formal training. Arriving in my new singlet and jockstrapI envisioned sweaty erotic matches with muscular jocks and worried about getting trounced or tearing a ligament. In short, by exploring my fantasy, I grew and helped my friends grow. But my fantasy was far off from the reality, and I ended up learning a lot more about myself than I ever thought I would.

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It helps to meet with actual trans people and involve them in shaping the group. Others scrap and toss each other around like young jocks with something to prove. Some guys roll around gently together — grunting and straining as they exchange holds. But then again …. Others like Thai kickboxing, Japanese judo, sumo or boxing. In one of my first matches I wrestled a handsome otter who was weaker and less skilled. Wrestling looks a lot like sex as two men breathlessly try to top one another.

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